Thoughts

So, I'm in trouble. Bad trouble. But I think it's the same kind of trouble as everyone else.

I'm addicted to challenge. I'm addicted to being told no, or you can't.

I constantly desire to do things I haven't done before. To reach new levels of success. To master new concepts and ideas.

But the walls are all coming down. Nothing is truly like I had imagined it was. All the barriers were internal. Everything stopping me was made up. With enough desire, time, and effort, I can accomplish anything I want.

But as soon as I reach the goal, I don't find happiness. I just find the void again. The same desire to find a new goal to reach.

Is there any satisfaction? Does anything last? Does anything actually contain real value?

I think I'm starting to understand where the theology comes in.

When you succeed and you make success part of the fabric of your being, everything starts to become easy, and you develop this understanding of the formula for getting anything you want. But then without the challenge, everything loses its value because it becomes expendable. Then nothing really matters anymore because it is so accessible. So, you need something unattainable in order to still have value in your life.

So then by acknowledging God, a perfect being, and creating a separation between you and God, only in that you cannot be a perfect being, value can be attributed to anything in the pursuit of perfection. Which gives back reason to work for success and be the best you that you can be.