Thursday, August 27, 2009

IM Problem

There are a lot of subtle benefits to my job. I get paid more than a lot of my friends. I have unadulterated internet access. I'm paid to sit on the computer all day. There really isn't a lot of work that I have to do. I know everyone that I work with. I can come and go as I please each day with little thought to anyone watching me or caring. I have access to latest and greatest software.

In all honesty, it's a great job. There are very little problems I just do what is asked of me and don't go looking for them. The biggest problem is my own lack of patience and laziness. It's easier to sit around and read articles all day than talk to someone about getting more interesting work to do. It's easier to talk to friends online and complain about how bored I am than actually sit and focus on task or talk to someone in the office and get a solution for whatever my roadblock is.

I love the fantasy though. The idea that there is some perfect job out there. Or really that I can get paid to do whatever I want whenever I want.

Every time I start something new, I expect some ideal situation. I'm going to walk in and be surrounded by smart, successful, beautiful people all with big goals and dreams and connections to make them happen. Even the MBA program I just started, the people are normal. There is a range of backgrounds, ages and ambitions. But for some reason I wanted some perfect fantasy.

I'm not sure where my expectations come from. Maybe it's all just because of some ridiculous fantasy. I'm in love with what could be rather than what is. Always thinking something else would be better rather than enjoying what is.

Will I always want the fantasy? Will I ever find happiness in what I have?

Anyone else notice this? What have you done about it?

Tuesday, August 11, 2009


I found a way out!

I'm applying for an MBA program that starts in two weeks. I even did some research and found a Graduate Assistant position that will pay for my tuition. In a matter of two to three weeks, my life could be completely turned around and finally heading in the direction I want.

So why am I frustrated?

Well, after a marathon of events to get essays put together and all the information needed for my application, I was able to submit it last week. Now it currently is sitting in 'Incomplete' status because I need one more recommendation letter submitted.

So my future is hanging in the balance and it's all pending the actions of other people outside of my control.

The tough thing about a recommendation is that the person writing it is already doing you a favor. So to bug them and pester them to finish faster isn't going to help your cause. If you want a good recommendation, you have to give them time to put it together on their schedule.

So here I sit, tense, nervouse, excited... and my fate out of my hands, waiting on other people.