Thursday, August 27, 2009

IM Problem

There are a lot of subtle benefits to my job. I get paid more than a lot of my friends. I have unadulterated internet access. I'm paid to sit on the computer all day. There really isn't a lot of work that I have to do. I know everyone that I work with. I can come and go as I please each day with little thought to anyone watching me or caring. I have access to latest and greatest software.

In all honesty, it's a great job. There are very little problems I just do what is asked of me and don't go looking for them. The biggest problem is my own lack of patience and laziness. It's easier to sit around and read articles all day than talk to someone about getting more interesting work to do. It's easier to talk to friends online and complain about how bored I am than actually sit and focus on task or talk to someone in the office and get a solution for whatever my roadblock is.

I love the fantasy though. The idea that there is some perfect job out there. Or really that I can get paid to do whatever I want whenever I want.

Every time I start something new, I expect some ideal situation. I'm going to walk in and be surrounded by smart, successful, beautiful people all with big goals and dreams and connections to make them happen. Even the MBA program I just started, the people are normal. There is a range of backgrounds, ages and ambitions. But for some reason I wanted some perfect fantasy.

I'm not sure where my expectations come from. Maybe it's all just because of some ridiculous fantasy. I'm in love with what could be rather than what is. Always thinking something else would be better rather than enjoying what is.

Will I always want the fantasy? Will I ever find happiness in what I have?

Anyone else notice this? What have you done about it?

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