The War Within - Toastmasters Speech #10

The War Within – Toastmasters Speech #10

There is no instruction manual for life. At times we all wish that there was some clear set path for what to do and what direction to follow. Maybe in the form of a voice booming out from the sky, telling us what is right for our life. But this could never work because life is not actually a journey, not a straight path towards a destination. Life is a battle, a constant struggle between two great forces.
Madam Toastmaster, fellow toastmasters and all my fellow warriors in this battle we call life.

Before I describe the two sides, I think all of us have already experienced them. Every day we face a multitude of choices. Most of these choices have become so routine that we make them in our subconscious. But it is not the individual smaller choices that really defines us, but rather the large choice of what direction in which we are moving our lives.

Growing up, I was always following the goal, “do well in school, take a hard major, get a safe, secure job”. I put the time and effort in to do well and graduate as quickly as I could. After graduation, I had lined up a good job and was ready to reap the rewards of my diligence and hard work. But when I started working, I realized something was wrong.

Looking at my life, everything read so well on paper. I had accomplished all my goals, avoided all the classic pitfalls, and had done all that should have been required for success. But stats and credentials on paper never seem to capture the whole picture. I had thought that the battle was over and I had won, but in reality, the internal struggle had just begun.

So what is this struggle? On one side, we have what we know in our core we want, what will validate us, what will give our lives the purpose that we desire. This is our essence, our driving force, our true motivation and the only real guide book that exists for our lives. It is unique to us and something that we can only determine on our own, by learning who we are and what makes us that way.

On the other side, we have the enemies fighting against us. They take many forms, like feelings such as fear, doubt, and uncertainty. External forces like peer pressure, a sense of keeping up with the Jones’, and society’s path for our lives. Even temptations like fame, fortune or power. One or all of these or others may influence us. They trick us into thinking we should try be a different person, follow someone else’s dream or think less of ourselves.

This can affect us in a wide variety of ways. We could spend time with the wrong crowd of people, who can influence us to think negatively or participate in destructive acts. We could work a job we hate just for the money and fear that we have no alternative ways to create income. We could stay in an abusive relationship because we feel that no one else would want us. Any or all of these things weigh on us since we know it is not what we want, but the fear is too great to move forward.

Our world celebrates the stories of great individuals that have come before, people who have a list of amazing accomplishments. The focus is always the end of the struggle, where they reach a level of success that makes an impact on the world. But a key element that is often brushed quickly aside is the deep price paid to walk the path to greatness. Often they were forced to let go of all they had, fall to the point where they had nothing left except their passion for what they wanted to define their lives. Once they had nothing left to lose, only then were they able to know with absolute certainty what was really important.

I cannot claim to know what you want, only you can know that. I do know that we all share this deep desire to be ourselves, to know our purpose and to leave our mark. It is not easy to do this. Often it is only the flames of conflict, the pounding force of loss, and the intimidating fear of confronting the unknown that inspires this personal growth.

How do we begin to change the tide in this battle? How do we take control of our life and take the right path? How do we really know what we want? By listening to ourselves. We all already have the right answer, we just have to start being true to it. It may not be easy, but we don’t have to do it all at once, we just have to take the first step.

So I encourage you to take that next step. Challenge the fear head on and push it back. Take the risk, pay the price and know that the battles may be difficult, but you will win the war within.

How to Deal with Uncertainty

A little background information first. Recently I've been feeling good and thinking a lot clearer. I'm not sure the exact cause of this, my current theory is that by switching to sleeping on my stomach instead of my back is preventing me from rolling around in my sleep, so I actually get more REM sleep and my body is actually healing and recovering.

So, having this new found energy, I've been putting a lot of thought into my life and how to improve my current situation. For the past year or so, I've been thrashing around between ideas, not really knowing what direction I want to take or what I really want to do. This is partially because even though I have an idea of where I want to go, I have no idea what steps to take to actually get there. I keep trying things, but not with any consistency or effort to actually get anywhere.

Along this line, a recent post on Steve Pavlina's blog talks about the 'Abuse of Power' and how a person can end up in a self-defeating cycle that imprisons them rather than enabling them (http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2009/05/abuse-of-power/). This is precisely what I had been doing by constantly answering the question, "What do I want to do with my life?" with "I don't know". The reality is that I do know. I want to work in a situation like Toastmasters, where there is a structured program for growth with clear steps and milestones of achievement. I want to take what I learn and then mentor others who want to learn those skills. I want to become a leader and take on larger challenges.

At my current job, I have begun to do this in some ways. I'm doing business analysis work on a health care system in CNMI. I'm running the QA and Testing effort for the DJS. I created a new structure for how documentation should be stored and used internally so that it can be shared and used as an asset. Unfortunately, I have no interest in electronic health records or Mental Health and Substance Abuse treatment. Therefore, I'm currently focusing my efforts on finding quality companies that work in sectors that I am interested in, such as Green Technology and Military Defense.

What this all comes back to is goals. It is easy to start drifting through life when you have too much uncertainty about what you want. The problem with this is that no one is going to come into your life and tell you what you want. The only way to figure it out is to cut down the options to a manageable number and then make the effort to start trying them. Pick one thing, put your best effort out to making it happen. If you don't like it, you cross it off the list and move onto the next thing.

Trust me, I know I make it sound easy but is actually really hard to do. No one likes failing, no one likes rejection. As much as they hurt, they are less painful than the feeling of regret of seeing time go by and having nothing to show for it. Nothing is as disheartening as the feeling of drifting, uncertain what to do.

One of the member of my Toastmasters club just won the International Speech Competition at the District level. His speech centered around one key point that is important for everyone. To be a leader, to accomplish your goals, to be respected and create value, you need to start with three words.

I am responsible.

Insight

I belong to Toastmasters and am working my way through the original manual to get the ten speeches finished in order to get my Competent Communicator award. Last night I gave my ninth speech. Normally, I'd post the speech here but I did a presentation with slides, so it wouldn't make a lot of sense without all the elements.

I learned something interesting in giving the speech. For each speech I've spent a lot of time crafting an informative and interesting mixture of content. I figured this approach would keep the audience's attention while giving them valuable advice they can start to apply. I've found that the reaction is never what I would expect.

Here is an example. Last night I started my speech by saying "You're fired!". The idea was to grab attention because people are worried because there is constant talk about how bad the economy is right now. I then talked about steps that people can take to remove that fear by diversifying their income sources.

At the end, the feedback I got was pretty standard. "Great speech". "Very informative". The one that stood out was that I could have said "You're fired" like Trump does in his Celebrity Apprentice show.

So what I've learned from this is that people really don't care about the content of your speech. You could give them the advice of jumping off a bridge or hiding their money under the mattress. It's all about entertainment. Relatable entertainment. Which means pop culture references, word play, unexpected shifts and anything for a laugh.

I'm not sure why this is. I have a feeling that when you present something that seems academic in nature, you're challenging people to think. After a long day at work most people are tired of thinking. They want to shut down and be entertained. This is why athletes, musicians and entertainers get paid so much money.

I have a feeling this is part of the reason my blog is not popular. I could post random photoshoped images and probably get orders of magnitude more hits than I do currently.

So the question is what to do with this knowledge. I write this blog mainly for myself to help organize my thoughts and capture knowledge gained, so I don't anticipate changing that any time soon. I also write these speeches because I have a message I want to get out. I will have to change my approach in that area though, because people don't care about your message if you don't wrap it right. Maybe I'll write the tenth speech the way I normally would, and then from there forward I'll just play to the crowd as much as possible.

I'm still left a little unsettled by this. I don't want to judge, people work hard and deserve to live their lives the way they want to. I seem to have a personal obsession with growth and progress, and it usually makes me unhappy because I'm always pushing to do more. So if others have found a way to be happy and that's what it takes, then I wish them the best. This life is short with fleeting rewards for hard effort. Finding any kind of happiness and holding onto it as long as possible is sometimes all we really have. I'm not ready to give up my quest and abandon my ways, but at least now I hope I can go forward with a clearer understanding.

Knowing Yourself

This is the third speech I wrote and gave for Toastmasters:

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

Madam Toastmaster, fellow toastmasters and guests. These words by Ralph Waldo Emerson have always rung very true in my life. It seems like everywhere you go – school, work, home – everything you see – TV shows, movies, billboards – there is a new message of who you should be, what you should want, and how you should think. But the reality is that there is only one person you can be, and that is yourself. But you can’t be true to yourself if you don’t know who you really are. So the question is, how do you know yourself?

Everyone has some general sense of self. How could you not? You live your life through your eyes, you experience the world through your senses, and you make decisions based on your thoughts. But is this enough to really know yourself? Can you accurately depict what decision you would make in any given situation? You may think you can, but you may end up like I do, describing the person you wish you were, rather than who you really are. So then, if you can’t even trust yourself, where do you start?

You start by building a basic model. The Myers Briggs Type Indicator is an assessment test that is centered on four dichotomies. These dichotomies are assessed based on three main descriptive categories of a person: attitudes, functions and lifestyle. The targeted questions in the assessment help you to understand your preferences towards extroversion or introversion, intuition or sensing, thinking or feeling and adaption or judgment. By determining these preferences you determine which of sixteen personality types you largely fit. Once you have determined your type, you will have a stronger idea of what your natural inclinations are going to be in a variety of situations and you will have a better grasp of the elements that make you who you are, as well as your strengths and weaknesses. This knowledge of yourself can help you to see patterns of behavior that you tend to follow that you may have never noticed before.

Now with a basic model, the next step is to look at who your friends are. It has been said, show me who your friends are and I will show you who you are. If you look at the six people you spend the most time with, they are a true reflection of who you are. Think about this for a second, it makes a lot of sense. When you have a question or a problem, who do you go to? When you have an idea or come across something of interest, who do you share it with? Your closest friends are the ones that you feel comfortable enough to show your true self. You chose them for a reason, maybe one that you are unaware of, but regardless, you chose them and you continue to choose them. By looking at what makes them who they are, what are their characteristics and values, you will be able to have a perspective of yourself and what really matters to you.

Now with a model and a perspective, the last major elements that make you uniquely who you are, are your beliefs and passions. Originally your beliefs may have been modeled after your parents, or from the religious teachings you follow, but there are core things that you have taken to heart and made your own. These meant more to you because they rang true or resonated with you because of the experiences you have had and the situations you have encountered. The difficult situations you have faced, the pressures and challenges you have endured and overcome have molded and shaped you into who you are. Your passion is evident through your accomplishments because it is what has fueled you to continue on during the hardest times; sticking with decisions to pursue one goal over another, succeeding against greater odds of failure.

Knowing your passions and beliefs, having a perspective of who you are, all built on a model of your preferences is a strong foundation for knowing yourself. By knowing yourself, you are equipped to stand your ground and be your unique self in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else. To be who you are and share yourself with the world is truly the greatest accomplishment.

Take the Time

So, to put this in context, this is my fifth speech for Toastmasters. I joined the club in January and am now the Treasurer. It's been a great experience so far since I've met a lot of quality people, I've honed some of my writing skills, I've gotten practice giving speeches and I've gained some self confidence. I give this speech on Monday. It's suppose to be at least 5 minutes, but right now it runs about 3:15. It should run longer when I say it by memory and input gestures and movement, but I still need to add more to it since 1:45 is a lot of time to make up.

I might post my earlier speeches as well, just because I put a lot of time into crafting them, and sadly when I deliver them I don't always say them right and they are designed with certain wordplay and content ordering that doesn't end up coming through because of that.

In life, our most precious resource is time.
You cannot turn back the clock.
You cannot change the past.
You cannot freeze time.
Time is always marching forward. Worst of all, you never know how much time you actually have left.

Mister Toastmaster, fellow toastmasters and guests.

Does this subject make you anxious?
It should.

Everyone should have a list of things they still want to do with their lives. If you don’t, then are you really living? Goals are our lifeblood. They keep us moving forward, growing, working towards a better future.

But even knowing all of this, I present you with a contrary thought. Take the time.
Take the time to enjoy the journey.
Take the time to experience life.
Take the time to soak it all in, absorb all you can.

The time spent between actions quickly disappears from memory. Sometimes, this time is even spent in an unconscious fog. I remember a time in high school when I would wake up, throw on some clothes, grab my books, get in the car and the next thing I knew the whole day had gone by and I hardly remembered any of it. So do not spend all your time in transition.

Do you remember the trip to work this morning? Maybe you do if it was stressful, or unusual. But if it was just like the day before then it’s already a blur with all the others just like it. And if you only remember it because it was stressful, is that a good thing? If you only remember bad things, how can you feel positive about your life? Spend your time in the moments of your choosing.

Sometimes at work, I like to walk to the strip mall where I buy my lunch.
Yes, it would be much quicker to drive.
I could rush there, buy my food, rush back and eat at my desk. Then at the end of the day I could get home a little earlier. But something is wrong with that.
That is a life always spent in transition, waiting to get to the next big thing.

When I walk, I take my time.
I stretch a little.
I look around.
I am conscious of the ground under my feet.
I take the time to “smell the roses”. Rather than focusing on where I’m going and finding the fastest route there, I’m focused on where I am. I am in the moment. And I enjoy the experience. It’s nothing special, but it’s time that I am choosing to spend in the manor that I want to spend it. It is my time.

Think of it like this:
After much research, you find an $80 bottle of wine that fits with your tastes. You open it up and pour out the first glass.
Would you chug that glass?
Would you race through the bottle, downing one glass after the next?
Would you pour it down the drain so you can open the next bottle?
Of course not!
You’d probably look at the wine in the glass. Swirl it around some, smell the aroma, take one sip at a time. And you would savor it. You would drink it slowly, noticing each hint of flavor, enjoying all it has to offer and feeling the reward of the effort you put into finding it.

And that’s just a bottle of wine. Something that is simple, expendable, and replaceable.
Look at your life.
Think about your time.
Once the time has passed, you cannot have it back. The time is going to pass. You do not have control over it; all you have control over is yourself, your actions, and your choices.

So I say this:
Enjoy it.
Savor it.
Live it.

When your time runs out, you’ll be glad you did.

Mister Toastmaster.