Monday, October 27, 2008


So I'm hitting rock bottom in desperation. I'm trying to meet girls on these damn online services. I found one girl I actually liked and sent her a message. She does swing dancing on Monday nights, so I was going to try and meet up with her tonight.

I drove all the way up to Baltimore to this Can Company center where the swing dancing is suppose to be. Once there, I forgot where it was suppose to be, so I asked at the Outback. They laughed at me and told me they don't do swing dancing there and maybe it was the "kiss cafe" next door that just recently closed. (It was actually a little worse than that as they told me I could dance in the corner and entertain their diners, thanks a lot jerks) So, with my tail between my legs, I headed back home.

Once I got home, I realized it was actually at the Austin Grill, which I walked past twice, completely oblivious. So now I'm a little bummed.

Maybe I'm just too willing to accept these things not working out, like I expect for it not to. It was hard going into Baltimore because it triggered some repressed memories of my ex and the different fun activities that we use to do (the actual good times of the relationship). Honestly, I don't miss her at all, I just miss being in a relationship and that feeling like you have someone to love and someone who loves you.

I think I'm too obsessed with the perfect, hoping that I'll meet some ideal women that doesn't really exist. I just feel like I've put so much effort into becoming the type of person who deserves someone great that I don't understand why I can't find someone great. I get this feeling like everyone else is surrounded by people their age and have all these friends to go places with and do things and I'm missing out or some kind of outcast because I always seem stuck by myself. It's so much harder alone as well because you feel like an outcast, like you weren't even good enough for someone to want to hang out with you, so why would anyone new want to talk to you?

I just don't know what I don't know, and unfortunately that seems to be what I'm doing wrong or not doing. I need help but I don't even know where to start or who to go to. People have recommended dating sites and stuff like speed dating and I'm trying it, but I get little to no results.

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