Thursday, September 18, 2008

Today

Today is one of those days.
It's hard to accurately describe it,
it's like your soul is sucked out of your body,
and you just sit there numb.

It's like you have a certain number of ways you can lie to yourself about your situation being better than it really is but eventually,
you run out and you're just stuck staring at the cold reality.
The question is, what is better;
finding some way to keep killing the pain because you don't know how to find a better solution,
or just sit in that state until it is so unbearable that you just snap and force some dramatic change?

Sadly, I'm going to go buy a candy bar and numb the pain some more.

3 comments:

Dereck said...

What's happened? You can e-mail me if you would like it to remain private...

~christophany~ said...

It was just one of those days where you sit at your cubicle and you think about all the things you could have been doing to actually use your talents and skills, and you see it all go to waste.

If you read this, it describes what it's like:
http://www.lifereboot.com/2007/the-working-dead/

~christophany~ said...

Actually, now that I think about it, there was one specific event that really catalyzed these feelings.

I've been working on this contract for months and it's finally coming to a close. We found out that we lost our bid to re-up the contract after it expires to another company. I'm actually happy about this because the system is old and outdated, basically it only consists of maintenance work with little new development. A lot of the code should be rewritten to use newly available technology which will eliminate bugs and make the whole system more efficient, but the co-contractor does not want to make any the changes (government agencies are typically like this).

Well anyway, we still have funding till December but little to no work left to do during the transition phase. Instead of us sitting around doing nothing, they want us to go through the code and make comments for how the different parts are working. Since we have already delivered the code to the new contract and (hopefully) they'll do things their own way, this is extremely irrelevant "make work" that will be of no benefit to anyone.

I guess just the prospect of wasting a few months of my life doing something completely pointless is what triggered these feelings.